(no subject)

[theabandonedboy]

 

It’s been weeks since he’s been home- no, not home because even the Townhouse is not home. Nor is the Manor or Spinner’s End. He doesn’t have one. But the hotel is close enough and even if it wasn’t- Abraxas is there, and the blood around his throat is close enough to be something like home. He holds it in his hand as he walks into the lobby and the girl behind the counter smiles brightly at her. “It’s good to see you again.” She chirps. She’s not much older than him, and pretty too. She asked him once for drinks after work and like a child- he blushed and declined.

Part of him wished he hadn’t. He’s just a kid and for the first time in his life, he thinks he has a chance to be one. In school, there’d always been the under current of war, at home, the parenting of Eileen’s drunken escapades or shying away from Tobias’ angry gait. In the past few weeks, he’s gotten to tease and laugh and cry. He smiles at the memory Lyra’s face when she tried sour candy, had wanted to kiss her with a simple childish want that reminded him of Lily years back. He hadn’t dared.

Sev’s not a kid. Hasn’t been for some time. He’s alone in the lift, and his heart is pounding in his chest. He doesn’t know why he’s afraid. It’s Abraxas. The reason he’s alive. The only reason, he tells himself. He’s not afraid.

Yes. He is. But why he’s not sure?

Pushing open the door of his-their suite, is like opening a crypt. Every noise is swallowed up by the fine carpet and darkness. “Erastes? I'm home."

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[braxas]

Abraxas should be ashamed at the peace he feels with Severus' touch against his face and his mind. He leaves his thoughts cracked open just enough that if Sev wants he can take a look but not enough to spill out. He reasons it's only fair that if he intends to keep company with a mind reader the least he can do is keep his mind orderly.

"I'm glad you're not hearing everyone." He kisses Sev back and combs fingers through the tangle of his hair. "I've fed. Eric brought me blood." His lips curl in a self-deprecating smile. "Apparently I am on a feeding schedule." He tugs Sev down on his lap and gets both arms around him, burying his nose right behind Sev's ear with a contented purr. Just because he's recently fed doesn't mean he's not tempted. He's tempted alright.

[theabandonedboy]

"Why are you on a schedule? Did something happen?" Sev pulls back just enough to search his face. He doesn't mean to worry, isn't trying to but he knows it's telegraphed on his face. He puts his hand on Abraxas' chest, over where the heart should beat and watches him. "What's wrong?"

He closes his eyes and leans forward again, touching his forehead to his. He told himself he was just coming to check on things. Like this wasn't home. Just another - what? Responsibility? Hardly. No, this doesn't feel safe, or warm and familiar. He doesn't get that.

"You can, you know." He whispers instead, tilting his chin just slightly. "It's been a few days since I could feel you in my blood. What about you?"

He's grateful for the dark, allowing it to hid his shame at being so needy.

[braxas]

Abraxas huffs a laugh. "Apparently who I was as a human has carried over and been intensified as a vampire. I've always been prone to skipping meals, forgetting to eat when I'm working or running a problem through my mind. I missed a few feedings and now Eric is insisting that I keep to a schedule because in his words 'nothing is more stupid than letting a fledgling vampire run around with the munchies'." He shrugs. "It's not a problem."

"I can feel your strong emotions through the bond, but not the constant presence you were. Not how I want to feel you." He'd told himself he wouldn't push or press but he knew that was a lie. He wanted Severus with him. He wanted Severus in his blood and under his hand.

"Have you had time to think? To make your choice?" He doesn't care now. Sev's presence, even after such a short absence is felt like a heady rush and it's exactly what Braxas needs. He's run through all the risks of turning Sev. He's thought about letting him go but he doesn't want to.

"My choice is made." He runs his thumbs along Sev's jawline on either side of his face. "You are my choice. Again."

[theabandonedboy]

There is just a second where Amycus' teachings, what he's believed all his life to be true rings in his ears. The creature before him isn't Abraxas, just mimics it and there's a small part of him that wants to rear back, protect whatever sanctity of blood he has. He is a Death Eater and he would never-

Have you had time to think? To make your choice?

There's the sudden urge to say no. Not yet. He's a kid, and Colin's warnings ring in his ears. You're going to tire of me. Then you'll leave. They all do.

"I want you to turn me." He whispers with all the strength and assuredness he doesn't feel. He loves Abraxas, and that is the only solid ground he trusts at the moment. "I don't want to not have you in my blood. I don't like feeling this...quiet."

[braxas]

"You can have my blood. You don't have to turn now. Do you understand that? This isn't a 'all or nothing' situation. You still have time. If you choose to wait - I will still be here. I will still share blood with you, argue with you, pick your brain for my collection of books and encourage your potions work because there are few wizard alive who are as adept and skillful with a cauldron as you."

"Becoming a vampire now will effect every part of your very long life. Is it what you truly want or are you trying to give me what I want?"

[theabandonedboy]

Sev takes a second to listen to him, to swallow whole what Abraxas is saying and not saying as he hears. Then he leans back and shoves his fists into Abraxas' expensive shirt. I am not yours, Erastes. You are mine.

He knows how this is supposed to play out. What position he is supposed to take up and there is an ugly red stab of jealousy or anger he can't name when Abraxas tries to retreat on what he promised. "Do I have to ask Eric to turn me? If you don't want me fine but I'm not spending another night-" without you. Mortal. Unchanged. "Alone. I'm your eromenos. Do not deny me this."

[braxas]

He can't deny him.

It's not even because he is his eremenos and it's something Abraxas holds sacred in his profane heart. It's because this is Sev. This is the brilliant mercurial mind that he has spent years in love with. Wanting. Trying to maintain some sort of distance from lest his love destroy the boy before he even got a chance to live.

At the mention of Eric Abraxas snarls. It's a weird animalistic sound that has no business coming out of his throat but the very idea of Sev being with someone else, belonging to someone else, having Eric's blood in his veins is intolerable. "You're not alone." Palms his hand over where he can feels Sev's heartbeat pounding in his chest and wraps his other hand around Sev's throat where he can feel the blood thrumming through his veins. He's going to change both this things tonight.

He stands up, his strength making Sev's weight less than nothing and carries him to the window seat. They don't have long before the sun comes up and he still has to get them out to the spot in the garden he's dug for them weeks ago. He arranges Sev against him on the window seat so they can look out. "This will be your last sunrise." He rumbles while brushing Sev's hair off his neck. "Enjoy it and know when you wake you'll be mine for the rest of both of our very long lives." He places a kiss on Sev's pulse and drops his fangs and begins to drink gently but deeply. He can feel Sev's life draining out of him one mouthful after the other.

When he hears Sev's heartbeat slow, he carefully opens his wrist and holds it to Sev's slightly parted lips. "Drink and stay with me. Stay with me."

[theabandonedboy]

It's a strange thing to be carried, Sev can't remember the last time- neither Tobias or Eileen were the type to carry a sick child and at any rate, Severus was not the one to be coddled but still, there's something...reassuring about being in Abraxas' arms. A fucked up sense of paternal care, wrapped up in secrets and them.

He's just a kid. This is not a choice he should be making...

But at his core, Severus is a hungry abandoned child and the promise- any promise of belonging is too much of a draw. He winces at the bite, and the vice grip Abraxas has on his throat. A blossom of fear blooms in his chest, and his Death Eater training kicks in, the core of any survivor to stay alive as his body begins to slack.

He tries to jerk away, more instinct then desire, fighting back before Abraxas' voice rumbles in his mind again. Stay with me.

A Death Eater would rather die but there is a compulsion Severus can only assume is not entirely his own and that causes him to lean into the wound. Then there is warmth, need and want.

Only.